Family Guy 12x11 “Brian’s a Bad Father




The dumbest thing I ever did was open up that can of WhupA$$!

The dumbest thing I ever did was open up that can of WhupA$$!







Peter: Dear Lord: Please give me the cheat codes for Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I’ve tried “Left, Left, Up, B, Dodge, Upper Cut” but he still knocks me out. And, you know, they say you’re supposed to go “Right, B, Up, Dodge, Left, Uppercut…” Heh. Listen to me tellin’ You how to play the game.
(Family Guy 7x11 “Not All Dogs Go To Heaven”)

Peter: Dear Lord: Please give me the cheat codes for Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I’ve tried “Left, Left, Up, B, Dodge, Upper Cut” but he still knocks me out. And, you know, they say you’re supposed to go “Right, B, Up, Dodge, Left, Uppercut…” Heh. Listen to me tellin’ You how to play the game.

(Family Guy 7x11 “Not All Dogs Go To Heaven”)



(via )





Peter Griffin:  You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT?! Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus. 

Peter Griffin:  You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT?! Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus. 



"Peter: Well, if you aren’t Jesus Christ then you won’t mind if I pee on these Amy Grant CDs then.
Jesus: DON’T!!" from

Peter and Jesus meet at the record store.

Peter and Jesus meeting at the record store